Somehow, in the midst of day to day life I sometimes find myself behaving like the slave with one talent...
I panic and sputter...
"I was afraid..." "I knew you were a hard man..." "I hid my talent in the ground..."
And my heart breaks, my head falls into my hands...that's not my God. It's like accusing an innocent man...
I am grieved at my ability to fall into that lie without even realizing I was beginning to slip only to look up and realize I'm covered in it...
Naturally, I am not a risk taker. I don't know that many people truly are. I want to be brave. I want to be courageous. I do not want to fear or be afraid. It's easier to push away though, to point my finger and say I can't because you are, you do, you say...
Recently God has been drawing me out of this holding pattern...He's been making it so incredibly uncomfortable that some times, in all honesty, I lash out with 'what did I do?! I'm not doing anything to hurt anyone' attitude...
Right. Exactly. You've done nothing. Nothing.
But you are hurting someone...and I think about how if I was a parent and saw my child sitting on their own hands, unwilling to step out how heart broken I'd be. To know they stopped reaching or worse never started... What could I have done differently, how else could I show them that a life ruled by the fear of failing is not a life at all but rather a prison. And perhaps the worst would be seeing on my child's face the longing to reach out...even the slightest glint of a maybe squashed by fear. How completely heart wrenching...
So He finally shook my death grip loose from around his ankles...and I went for broke. And the answer after it was all laid out was 'No.'
I felt like if I wanted to I could justify curling back up into a ball and saying 'See, I told you!'
Surprisingly, I haven't. Maybe even more surprisingly, I don't want to.
I don't want to dig anymore.
I want to go all in...and all those other silly terms that mean the same thing...
13 “Therefore stay alert, because you do not know the day or the hour. 14 For it is like a man going on a journey, who summoned his slaves and entrusted his property to them. 15 To one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The one who had received five talents went off right away and put his money to work and gained five more. 17 In the same way, the one who had two gained two more. 18 But the one who had received one talent went out and dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money in it. 19 After a long time, the master of those slaves came and settled his accounts with them. 20 The one who had received the five talents came and brought five more, saying, ‘Sir, you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.’ 21 His master answered, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave! You have been faithful in a few things. I will put you in charge of many things. Enter into the joy of your master.’ 22 The one with the two talents also came and said, ‘Sir, you entrusted two talents to me. See, I have gained two more.’ 23 His master answered, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave! You have been faithful with a few things. I will put you in charge of many things. Enter into the joy of your master.’ 24 Then the one who had received the one talent came and said, ‘Sir, I knew that you were a hard man, harvesting where you did not sow, and gathering where you did not scatter seed, 25 so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. See, you have what is yours.’ 26 But his master answered, ‘Evil and lazy slave! So you knew that I harvest where I didn’t sow and gather where I didn’t scatter? 27 Then you should have deposited my money with the bankers, and on my return I would have received my money back with interest! 28 Therefore take the talent from him and give it to the one who has ten. 29 For the one who has will be given more, and he will have more than enough. But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. 30 And throw that worthless slave into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth’” (Matthew 25:13-30).
